Starting over after ‘falling’ or a loss

No one likes to fall, but falling is a part of life and where we learn those difficult lessons. They don’t get easier though, and picking yourself up and starting over requires courage, strength, and huge amounts of faith. I’ve had to start over several times in my life so far, and these are things you can’t plan, or even plan for despite your best efforts. Sometimes you just have to go with what you have in front of you, and what support is available.

It’s daunting, yet I know I will have to start over a few more times in this incarnation and I find that unsettling. Why some may ask if I am spiritual and have faith? Because it’s never clear cut, and you can’t just sit back and see what happens. You have to be pro-active and respond to what happens around you. I’m not afraid, just tired because often you will lose something, not necessarily material but when you fall, something gets lost in the process.

At times it’s hard for those who have never fallen to understand, and they tend to be young souls who offer little support (even though they have the chance to do so), and can make life difficult. Maybe that’s why I tend to avoid them because it’s too frustrating having them around spouting their entitled ideologies. I have a family member who is in her 60s nearly and who has never paid rent or had to look for a home as she was the youngest and was left the family home. Small things bother her, and she makes a fuss over them, and I often think if she ever stood on her own two feet she would be less self-centered. At times I turned to her for support, asked if I could leave some luggage at her home while I was traveling in the area and she said ‘no’ despite having a three bed apartment where a room was empty. I knew then that she was not a person you could turn to for help.

You see when you fall, part of the lesson is learn to ask for help, and it’s hard to ask and when you get knocked back by a family member for a small favor, your confidence can be lost. It’s hard for me to ask for help, but the lesson to learn is humility and at times you have to ask for help. I do prefer to be self-sufficient but that’s not always possible for we all need help, and also to help others.

Some may say do we have to fall to learn? Not always, but often we have to pick ourselves up or are in a position where we have to restart, or make the best of what is around. For instance, if you end a relationship, then you have to start again being single; if a partner or family member dies then you have to readjust and start afresh; if you have to move because your tenancy has ended and you can’t renew, then you have to restart again and move. Jobs aren’t for life and sometimes you choose a career change and other times it is enforced upon you. These are all instances where you have to start over, and for some it can be a welcome change if they are stuck in a rut, but for many it can be scary when they feel they have no control.

I remember when the local mines closed, all the miners then had to find other jobs. Some had other skills they could use, and others had to retrain. As humans we have to learn to adapt, and that means picking yourself up and starting over when things don’t work out. You may think you made a mistake, or it was bad luck,but maybe it was supposed to happen so you could learn?

I often tell my charges who don’t think they have it good that they actually do, and that maybe something will happen to make them realize what they have is damned good. It’s about being able to put yourself in others shoes, and see that things aren’t as bad as they think, though it’s not about gratitude but understanding that everything is transient and can be taken away without any notice. We can’t take money or belongings with us, yet as a society we thrive on posessions. I’ve learned as much as I like nice things, they can get lost, damaged, stolen, and they are gone. You see there is always some loss, even if you aren’t conscious of it at the time.

Starting over when you least expect it is one of the hardest lessons the Soul can learn, yet if we compare our current society to say the Victorian ages where life was far harder, that generation survived with far less support available. Theoretically then the lessons should be less difficult to complete, but back then family and friends were more willing to help one another, and bonds were much stronger. Today, do people have real support, or are friends ‘social’ ones or merely for networking purposes? I imagine a huge percentage are the latter which is why when you fall, you discover who your true friends are, and strengths that you did not know you had.

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