Shamans, And Ayahuasca ~ A Path Rejected

Coincidences occur for a reason, sometimes they are signs, but even when we know that, do we acknowledge and act on them? A few years back when I was seeking advice from another Sensitive, she mentioned a Shaman would come into my life. Now as that wasn’t the kind of advice I had gone to her for, I half-listened, and as she was a witch and counselor it wasn’t her technically her territory either. That was five or six years ago now, where she told me a Shaman would come into my life and help me, and in truth I ignored it with a grin. All I knew about Shamans was that they chanted, banged drums, and there was a pop group called The Shamen. I had no desire (and still don’t) to drum or chant. It remained buried at the back of my mind as I had more pressing matters to deal with, well physical realm stuff like jobs, and rent.

I decided to read a little into what shamanism was, as I at least owed myself that, and it didn’t appeal to me. Spiritually I was content with my visions, the ability to foresee certain events, and some manifestation powers had been ignited, and that was enough. I had a few friends on a spiritual forum I was active on, and one was a Shaman, so I asked her a little bit about things and she recommended a book that I never read to be honest. My interest was fleeting and didn’t hold. Through our chats I got to know a little more about her and her way of life, and there were some things I resonated with. I do have Siberian ancestry, and that is what struck me. To cut a long story short I underwent an unnecessary karmic cleanse that led to my having to learn how to pursue soul retrieval techniques One may say it sounds like a drama queen, but it was necessary to save my Soul, and it hadn’t been a destined path, but was a corrected one.

Fast forward a year or so, and I found myself living on a spiritual retreat where there were shamanic workshops, and I met more proclaimed Shamans and practitioners than I ever desired to. Many didn’t seem genuine; a couple seemed business orientated, one appeared to have a cult following, and the bulk liked the idea of being called a Shaman. A sweat lodge they built collapsed (not a good sign), and a friend of mine was undergoing a shamanic training of sorts by attending a workshop once a month! Anyhow, my friend went in search of his ‘snake’ in various parts of the world, and I read his palm and analyzed his Soul Blueprint. He still trusted his shamanic path and ventured off, yet a few years later what I had said has come to pass, to his surprise but also delightment. Stanley Krippner was holding a workshop there, and I spent a great deal of time talking to him about my experiences, and I listening to his. The advice was not to pursue the shamanic path, and when I am ready I will know. I felt the pressure to accept the path released, and Stan kindly sent me some books and journals of his for me to read. While some may jump at the opportunity of pursuing a shamanic path, one must realize that it is not something to accept without thought. Ironically one is taught not to think spiritually, but to feel intuitively. However, intuition should be balanced with thought and logic.

Three years on, my online Shaman friend and I have become close friends as we share our spiritual dilemmas, of the darker side of spiritual world; something few people admit to or discuss. I learn more through her, yet I keep some thoughts to myself. I did learn the techniques of soul retrieval, and gained some salvation after my time with Stan. With it came another intense Dark Night of the Soul, (or perhaps a shamanic initiation?) and also the realization when you lose a part of the Soul, it never truly heals. No matter what books say, Shamans promise, once broken, it can be mended but never the same. It’s like mending a broken ornament; you can use superglue it back together, but some tiny little fragments will have been lost into the atmosphere, and you can still see the weak spot where it was broken. That’s what happens with soul retrieval; there is healing but the scars will remain and will never be erased.

I’ve rejected the path several times, but I know it is part of my destiny. Others may say if I know if it is meant to be why not accept it now and and get on with it. The problem is once you step on that path, you cannot stop or return from it, and I still have some things I wish to pursue without the responsibility of being a Shaman. I learnt that the moment I accepted Lightworker tasks unknowingly. Last night I picked up a copy of Marie Claire that was lying in the bathroom. I only bought if for the free hand cream it came with, and only flick through it as bathroom reading. I came across an article on millennials using ayahuasca to help them solve their issues—a contrast to their feministic articles and ones with not such great advice on how to live. I raised my eyebrows as I do when I read of ayahuasca ceremonies and people paying ridiculous amounts of money to look for something that is unknown and not even guaranteed.

I thought nothing more of it and often I watch a television show online before I sleep, and looked for something of interest. Recently I’d been catching up on Law and Order SVU, mainly because there isn’t much that can hold my interest, and had one more episode to catch up on to be up to date. In fact since Stabler, Munch, and Amaro left it’s gone downhill and I watch it because there was nothing else on. Usually I like to read the précis, but didn’t bother; the episode was on ayahuasca ceremonies, and while it exposed how people could be exploited and abused, it also showed how desperate people are in wanting to believe.

So how do I view this? In the space of an hour ayahuasca crops up all of a sudden. I see it as another nudge, but one I still resist and also one that I don’t find necessary. Ayahuasca is a natural plant mixture made up of Banisteriopsis caapi (the vine), and is mixed with a DMT (dimenthyltryptamine), either chacruna (Psychotria viridis) or chagropanga (Diplopterys cabrerana), a hallucogenic that some people find helps them to see things they have blocked out. It is nicknamed the vine of the soul, and is used in ceremonies in order for Shamans to journey to other realms. I’m not convinced I need this, or have any desire to take it.

Of course I may be persuaded otherwise, but drinking a brown fluid that can make you vomit doesn’t seem such a sensible thing to do, nor to purposely put yourself in a state where you cannot control yourself and are in fact vulnerable for up to eight hours. Allegedly it’s symbolic of the purging of the Soul—an act for it to be reborn, and you can sense my skepticism. The thing is, I have journeyed without a ceremony or drinking ayahuasca, and while it’s no easy task, the after effects can last for days. I wonder is there more I need to know, but do I want to? I accept that these ceremonies are monitored and carried out by experienced Shamans that can be trusted, but no one can cure the unknown, especially when it’s mental. On a side note, how can you trust someone you don’t know just because they have credentials when you are at your most vulnerable? It seems foolhardy to me.

The life of a Shaman doesn’t appeal to me, and as my friend said, many do like to hunt and eat meat. As a vegetarian for more than a quarter of a century I have no desire to eat meat or change my ways. I’m not particularly fond of camps and fires where many of these ceremonies take place, in fact I am anti-ceremonies and have avoided as many as possible including my own graduation at University (a convenient spot of jury service). This may have something to do with being sacrificed in a prior life in a grandiose ceremony, but I have never found them fun or remotely useful. To me they exist for those who need to feed an ego.

I am still not persuaded to choose the shamanic path, yet I heal others in my own way. I still journey without any aids, and that’s enough for me. The title of being called a Shaman is not something I need or desire, nor do I wish to answer to Elders. As I already straddle the realms, I see and hear more than I would like. Yet, I know deep down it’s my destiny. For now I will hold onto my freewill steadfast because I know I cannot save everyone, and nor should I. Instead, as this is my last incarnation I will decide and dictate when I will accept the destined path, for once I do, things will never be the same and the little control I have now will filter away as it mingles with the destines of others. Right now, I want to be a little selfish and to enjoy a few pleasures while I can. Spirit can keep on sending signs and messages, but I will keep flagging them ‘to do later’ for now.

I know some will say why delay the inevitable, and indeed that is a logical premise, but while it may have been something my Soul agreed upon before the incarnation, things can and do change. Time is only a concept on this physical realm; therefore, there is no time restriction on my fulfilling my destiny. For once you realize it and the purpose you can accomplish your destiny with cognizance—there is no need for rituals, but rather, impartial guidance and support.

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