In a nutshell—it’s not easy. Even the most patient person can be tested, and while we all experience a touch of envy every now and then, deep down we know it’s wrong. Controlling it is much harder. The wise try and suppress it, or let it go, and others hold onto it and believe they are entitled to be that way.
The natural thing is to stand up for yourself, and confront the person when they are envious, but then you maybe lowering yourself to their level, or it may create more hostility as often they don’t wish to listen. When walking away isn’t an option, what do you do? At times, a natural separation and distance evolves, and sometimes the parties are unaware of their actions and how it makes others feel. For example, I was envious when a former best friend of mine chose her other best friend to be godmother to her daughter. She told me she had chosen her over me, even though I was more responsible (the other best friend was having an affair which led to a divorce, but I’m not judging) I let it go. My friend however, got jealous of me when her children came to me and not her, which could have been another factor. Her mother confirmed this and we both gave her a wide berth as she kept her children from us, even though she needed our help with childcare. Somehow we drifted apart due to her insecurity, and there was nothing more I could do.
What actually sparked my writing this was the behavior of a friend of a neighbor I have been helping. She is her late 60s, a spinster, and an only child who developed Multiple Sclerosis in her 20s. Now she is immobile, and struggles to do most things, but wishes to be independent, so I help out with things such as putting out the recycling, or typing out a letter on her laptop for her. Recently the sister of a late good friend of hers befriended here, and had nowhere else to live, and she offered to let her stay while she looked for a new home. A year later, we always wondered why she had no one else to stay with and no other friends. The reason why became clear rather quickly; she is rude, a bully, impolite, and has no consideration for others, and what is more astonishing, the woman used to be a teacher.
At first, I would put it down to her having a bad day, but after more than a dozen interactions with the same attitude, I came to the conclusion that she was envious of the time I spent with my neighbor. If I was there she would ignore me and walk out. It was like a competition, and while my neighbor is good company and witty, she also is financially independent and generous. I’m just being neighborly, because when you see someone who has to use a walking frame staggering up a drive carrying recycling boxes, then you offer to help, but it’s not a carte blanche for her friends to be rude because they are jealous. The latest incident was when I was passing her house and the recycling boxes were at the top of her drive, and I carried them to the front door to save her doing it. The friend arrived out of the blue and yelled, “We’re going out,” as if to say, don’t go in and don’t stop. I then said goodbye, which was ignored with a smirk.
It’s a tricky situation, and while my parents say avoid the person with a dark soul, that means that my neighbor won’t always get help when she needs it. I decided to tell my neighbor what happened, and she knows her friend has been rude to me before, but this time I said I won’t come over and help unless asked, and only if her friend isn’t there. Should I have to make a choice and stop helping someone in need due to other people’s envy? I wouldn’t mind if the other friend helped, but she doesn’t. Naturally I have been tempted to ask the woman if she left her manners at home, but that would be stooping to her level. Clearly no one has told her that her behavior is unacceptable, but explains why a woman of 68 has no friends she can stay with or to spend Christmas or her birthday with. People just avoid her, and she still hasn’t got the message.
I’ve tried telling my neighbor not to allow her to bully her into going out when she doesn’t want to. Once she forced her to go out, even though my neighbor said she was ill and in pain. She then ended up having to go to the doctor, so this woman isn’t a real friend, but using her for company. I only hope my neighbor can see this, and try to keep her distance. It’s hard when she is house bound and everyone knows she is in, plus the woman invites herself around whenever she wants.
Confronting a dark envious soul whether directly or indirectly doesn’t always work, but it may make you feel better, as in you have released any pent up irritations. Walking away is what most people do, or distance themselves with limited interactions. A key factor is to try and not let it bother you, which is easier said than done. Know it’s their problem and not yours, and while each time something happens, it’s their lesson to learn. You cannot force them to learn, and the idea is that it repeats so often the soul must wonder why and see the error of their ways. In this case, the woman who is in her late 60s has forced a friendship with her late brother’s friend and now is attempting to possess her. The mere fact she has no other friends to stay with or to visit speaks volumes.
Often I see physically old people who still have many of the simple and basic life lessons to learn. It’s not about the physical age, but the maturity of the soul age that matters, in how you choose to react, and also the ability to recognize a soul lesson. Part of being an Old Soul is to stand back and allow these souls to learn their lessons. It doesn’t always work, and these souls aren’t healthy company to have around. After a while there is only so much a soul can take, and you walk, but explain why in a rational manner.
Not all lessons will be learned in an incarnation, and a soul will carry on repeating a particular lesson, which can lead to a dark soul. Until they see the light, that soul will get darker, but that darkness can also create a negative effect on others, which is why it is healthier to walk away. It’s not taking the easy way out, but a means of self-preservation. You maybe a conduit to assist in the lesson they need to learn, but each soul must also know when to draw a firm line and to stick to it.